here comes the boom.

I'm tired of the Millennials (also called Generation Y). And for the record, I have one, as in, I birthed one, although she doesn't fit most of that label. Supposedly that generation ends in 2000 so my daughter, who was born in 1998, is at the tail end of this quixotical and much-talked about generation. Wherever she falls, I've spent the last 17 years living in the Millennial parenting paradigm and I'm over it. I want something different for her, and for the three other littles that are now in my life. 

Millennials are the topic du jour. The command center for this generation are those currently aged 22 to 35'ish and they are having a huge influence on our culture and society. Within the last couple of years, nearly every major media outlet has discussed some aspect of how to address their influence. They don't give a lot of money to political campaigns, but they vote in big numbers. They don't like to stay in their jobs for more than two years, but they have changed how boardrooms work. They don't like to talk on the phone, but they have revolutionized communication. And maybe most disturbing of all, they don't mind if their entire life is meta-tagged because, well, so is yours. 

The oldest Boomers birthed Generation X'ers (me), and the younger Boomers birthed the bulk of the Millennials. I think this makes perfect sense. In general, Boomers, the "Free to be You and Me" do-gooders tried to give their kids what they didn't have - self-awareness - but it was applied in two distinctly different time periods and the generational effect was very, very different. 

For the Gen X'ers, who were raised during the 70's and 80's, "self-awareness" took the form of telling us we could be anything we wanted to be, as long as we still fit in. We were the first generation where it wasn't a guarantee that we would be as successful as our parents. The first generation where a significant percentage of us were raised in a dual-income or divorced household. The first generation where we were asked, "How do you feel about that?" while also being told we were the Lost Generation and had no real collective thought. We were sandwiched between Reganomics, a recession, and a threat of nuclear war during one of the biggest cultural shifts in our country's history, coupled with an evolving family and home-life model, in a period of significant self-exploration and expression.  Whew. It simultaneously felt empowering and stifling. We were told to make something of ourselves! The sky's the limit! But, oh yeah, the sky might fall due to inflation or the Russians, so maybe do a gap year or technical college. So for us, the focus on self-awareness netted palpable angst, grounded skepticism and a strong sense of survival. We are most definitely not bandwagon-ers or early adopters, but we are creative, resilient, adaptable and independent. 

Cut to the 90's where college-age and young adult Gen X'ers slogged their way through the decade wearing oversized Gap anything and bashing Courtney Cobain for buying a Lexus with Kurt's money, while the younger Boomers gave birth to the generation that is right now, today, making it difficult for me to use the restroom without bringing my cell phone with me. 

The younger Boomers, having waited to have their children until the Berlin Wall fell and when they could afford a four bedroom house, pushed the notion of self-awareness to new heights. Everyone is special, everyone should be included, everyone should have their own space. Participation trophies, no full court press until the last two minutes of the game, "All About Me" week-long class celebrations, and all-inclusive full-class birthday parties dominated the formative years of this generation. They were not only asked how they felt, they were asked to draw it, paint it, frame it and enter it into the school's auction whereby their parents would purchase it for $1,000 with all of the proceeds going to the "Art in Robotics" after-school program. Based on my thinly veiled attempt at poking fun, I'm guessing you realize I think these are cultural missteps. Not totally, because I think in general, self-awareness is absolutely critical to developing empathy, which is at the very top of my list of Big Ideas I want to pass onto my daughter, but here's the rub — I think the Young Boomers + the 90's equaled the birth of a generation of kids who's idea of self-awareness is not that far from the Charlie Sheen'ism: "I'm winning!"

"Traitor is only a term of a time." 

I'm fairly confident that quote was from the movie "Cold Mountain" with Nicole Kidman and Jude Law, which is a love story based during the Civil War. It popped into my head as I was thinking about the generational application of big ideas like self-awareness because I believe it's ultimately defined by the time in which it's being applied. Culturally speaking, how self-awareness was manifested during the 70's seems quite different than in the 90's. In the 70's and 80's it felt like a progression from being one for the many (during the Kennedy years), to being one in the many, ie: how we saw ourselves as individuals but in relation to each other. In the 90's and beyond, it feels more like, "did you guys see me?" ie: one standing out from the many. It feels like a non-relative, ego-centric and self-imposed view that ultimately is somewhat rudderless. Ironically, for all of the (over) self-exposure, I think it has also been isolating for these Millenials. They may have 231 participation ribbons, but only 62 likes on that #tbt selfie. "If I'm so special, why don't I get noticed more?" They've been called "Generation Vex," "no collar workers," the "Trophy Generation" and the "New American Idle." In study after study, they happily say that they would rather work at a minimum wage job than do something they don't love, leaving a generation of under-employed still hanging onto their parent's health care plan until age 26. 

I know I'm painting a grim picture and honestly, I'm not trying to trash on the Millennials, but I'm really worried about my daughter's future - about the generational pressures she is facing - and I think it's time for Generation X to step up and Bring the Boom. We are the ones raising kids right now, today, and we can do something about this generational application of self-awareness. Our time is NOW, we are raising the next generation NOW and we can define the term for our time, with our experience and our unique generational sensibility. It is widely felt that we are the the most moderate, independent and analytical generation. We think before we act, we walk through ambiguity, not around it, and we give credit while also assigning responsibility. We are grounded and flexible and inclusive while also lauding our individuality. We are the ideal generation to not let technology, amongst other things, own our cultural and own our kids. 

Take two classic Generation X sensibilities — skepticism and a general anti-joiner attitude.  I think it could be incredibly powerful if we more effectively leveraged the grounding that those sentiments can bring to our parenting style instead of doing what I think we are doing today, which is applying it to ourselves, but not our children. Some of us proudly say things like, "I'm never on Facebook" and, "Snap-what?" but we let our kids engage in these arenas, patting ourselves on the backs for our screen time, no technology at the dinner table, and no texting after 10 pm rules. We bandaid it with rules, but in my opinion, we aren't really investing in understanding the technology and why, or more importantly, how our kids engage with each other through these mediums. We know very well why we are anti-joiners when it comes to ourselves, but don't we need to understand it relative to how they see it/use it in order to provide effective stewardship for them? Generally speaking, we are flippant and even critical of new media. Sometimes loving it, sometimes hating it, writing thousands of parenting articles about how to handle it, but always acting like we can take it or leave it. However, we claim that we understand that they can't, it's "just their generation," so we plaster rules all over it, citing expert opinions and feigning that we totally have it under control. Truth is, for most of us, we don't have it because we don't get it, because we haven't wanted to get it. There are days when I feel like we've willingly given our kids a loaded gun, told them the obvious, "it can kill you or others," and told them not to bring it to the dinner table. Box checked. 

We are not the young Boomers, handing out iPhones like candy because our kids "earned it" for not quitting violin. Things have been changing and there is a trend away from participation trophies. I think enough of us have had enough, but our voices are still just a murmur and we've got our work cut out for us. How do we combat powerful realities like instant gratification when nearly everything is available in one hour or less? How do we win the battle of influence, when everything they see on social media is severely weighted towards the Kardashians, Dance Moms or memes that make fun of the word "bae" instead of what's happening with the refugee crisis in Europe? How do we reconcile the fact that our nine year old learned negotiating skills from "Animal Jam?" 

One of my friends, a superstar Gen X mom, started doing "Ted Talk Tuesdays" where they watch a Ted Talk during dinner. Last week they watched, "I am the son of a terrorist. Here's how I chose peace." She has three kids, all 5th grade and under. I watched the Democratic Presidential Debates with my daughter, pausing often to discuss policy issues brought up during the debate, and we also have watched episodes of Vice News together. And don't be fooled — she wasn't a totally willing participant, but I think it's important to do, even if they protest (and maybe even more so because they protest). I think we have to be super intentional about a lot more things because we are battling a massive influx of information that is hard to control, especially as they get older. We have to actually create space for boredom (so creativity can blossom...or chores :)). We have to ask them how things are going socially for them during the day. We have to stop leaning on the "TBD" (Too Busy Disease) excuse and make our moments matter. It's tougher than it was for our parents and I think they would admit that. We have a lot more cooks in the kitchen of influence. 

I think as a generation, we are inherently wired to be the founders of best practices for this new parenting paradigm. We want to raise kids that think before they act, walk through ambiguity, not around it, and give credit while also taking responsibility. We want them to be grounded, flexible and inclusive while also lauding individuality. We want them to not let technology, amongst other things, own their culture and their lives. Don't we?

Generation X has been called a lot of names, and maybe some of them were warranted, but I'd like to believe we've just been waiting for our collective generational thought: "Here Comes the Boom."